Euphoric Blues

I feel my legs try to move as he walks closer towards me. I can suddenly feel every breath I take, knowing each breath drawn brings him closer. This is a dream, I think. “Hey, it’s Nancy right?” he asked. I knew at this point, I was not dreaming. Yup, definitely not dreaming. His smell was nothing different from any other teenage boy’s overuse of axe spray, but I just didn’t care. He smelt like roses for all I care. For all I care, he’s my dream man. “Hello..?, Nancy right?, he asked with confused brows. “Uh, yes I am Nancy, and you’re Devin? I remember you were the first on scene when I fell trying to rescue my neigbours cat” I said shyly. “Uh, i never got to say thank you for that day. I was hoping… *school bell rings and cuts me shortly. “Hey no worries, how about we talk more during lunch? He asked. “I can not be late for 3rd period or Mr Caballero, will have my head”. (Both chuckles). “Okay, I’ll see you later,” I replied.

I stood there frozen for what had seemed like an eternity, but was only about 2 or 3 seconds. I stood there watching him gracefully walk away. At that moment, I felt something change inside me, that I could not explain. It was an oddly scary but yet awakening feeling. I push it aside, telling myself it was another teenage crush.

*12:03 pm.., I have a half eaten sandwich and a sad orange juicebox in an overused purple tray, imagining what Devin and I first conversation would be like.

12:30 pm, the school bell rings, lunch is over. I sit there with my head bowed, hot tears filling up my eyes. The tears are usually the first sign to show when i’m disappointed, sad and anything else you can think off.  This time however, the tears just did not want to roll down. They were the most stubborn tears that ever appeared. Not only that, they just felt so heavy for my poor lids to carry. And for a second there, I feel an urge to throw an angry fit at how frustrated I am feeling. “Hey, sorry I did not show up earlier. I was stuck in detention, and I completely forgot to mention it to you when we spoke earlier. I hope you can forgive me?” he asked with a weak smile. Forgive you?? Of-course, I forgive you! I am so glad you came. I thought.  “Uh, hey Devin, no worries.. I almost forgot we were to meet for a second there” I laughed awkwardly. We sat together for five minutes and just stared at one another with no words to say, but rather enjoying each other’s company silently.

*2:14 am.. I am wide awake in my bed, having imagined over hundreds of scenarios with Devon and I ending up with 2 kids and 2 dogs with a cat I am sure hates me, but adores my children. “Fuck me” I silently whispered. I already knew how this love story is going to end.

Next Morning*

Good morning!! Sleepy head, it is time to get up and take your medicine.” Doctor Ramsey said, while opening the hospital room blinds. “So the Pet scan results are out and I will really like to discuss with you, and your mother on what the next steps are.”


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